Tom 'Jonesy' Jones

Gentleman of the Road




This really is the most delightful village. Absolutely delightful. Keswick? What a splendiferous part of the world. One wonders whether it was Wordsworth that said that fresh air strengthens the soul.

Mr Jones, commonly known as Jonesy, not that there is anything common about him! On the contrary! He considers himself a gentleman. Although the bowler hat, coat and stick are undeniably tattered, they are of exceptionally good quality.

Now, to be frankly honest, his gentlemanliness is something of an affectation. He is from humble stock: his dear old mother, God bless her, is a seamstress in Canterbury. She even has a telephone these days, although he has little occasion to telephone it. His accent, too, is entirely affected and not entirely accurate, and his command of the English language is perhaps indeed not all that which it should be.

With all his affectation, however, he is proud to be English — and justly so! Justly so! He feels a duty to investigate anything remotely rum and report it within the purview of the proper authorities if that seems in the least appropriate in his considered opinion.

There not being anything rum in the immediate vicinity, however, he would be much obliged if someone would stand him a drink. Ordinarily he would pay himself, but he finds himself a tad short at the moment. A gin-and-tonic-water would be delightful, if it is not too much trouble. How awfully kind.

Tom 'Jonesy' Jones

The Final Revelation Dreadnought